Sometimes It’s Just Hard

This sometimes comes as a surprise to people, but I’ve always been sort of….unpopular.  I was going to say uncool, but I actually think that I’m pretty cool.  I mean, I would probably be friends with me.   But I’ve always been a bit of an outcast, I’m shy, I don’t command a lot of attention & in general I’ve never had a lot of friends.  I wish I could say that I was okay with it, but I’m not…it makes me sad.

This is why it was so heart-breaking when Amelia got up this morning and started crying that she didn’t want to go to school because nobody likes her and everybody picks on her.  Yes, I know that every kid has days like this.  I know that tomorrow she’ll probably be fine.  But today I wanted to take her and protect her and run away to a place where nobody would ever be able to make her feel bad about herself.

I remember being the odd one out because I was the only girl, or the youngest, or the only one who wasn’t related (the danger of living in a small town), or because I lived SO far away from everyone else.  It was lonely and sad and it never really got better.  Now I see Amelia feeling left out for different reasons….reasons that I never had to think about.  It sucks.

Amelia probably WILL feel better tomorrow.  She’ll almost certainly fit in a little better next year when she’s in real school.  And she’ll have a great mom who encourages her to smile at everyone, even if they don’t smile back. 

Maybe I’ll even follow my own advice.

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