And by “it”, I mean my life…sanity…sense of well-being. You know, nothing serious.
Since the holidays, I’ve been a mess. I’ve been okay to function….I just haven’t been able to get it together.
Jason was stressing about getting a promotion, the kids all hit really rough ages, we got a puppy and we, as a family, spent a really fun month taking turns being sick. As a direct result of all of this, our house has been a mess. Not just a little “things out of place” mess…we’re talking “Call CPS” mess (please don’t call CPS).
And so ALL of that starts freaking me out….and I can’t sleep…and I’m wearing myself out trying to get things done…and nothing is getting accomplished completely…and people are frustrated with me…and my tardiness is becoming “an issue”…so I freak out more….and I’m more behind on sleep….
….and it goes on like that. Really, it’s magical.
So, I hit a breaking point late last week. Baby Z’s first birthday was approaching and I hadn’t planned a party and people kept asking me about it and I was feeling awful. And then I looked at my phone and I had 3 people asking me for 3 different things, none of which I could help with, and I was feeling awful. But then something strange happened. I just stopped feeling awful.
I wish it could be some shining revelation that made me realize that my spirit was stronger than anything else in the world. I picture me reaching the top of a steep flight of stairs and then pumping my arms and cheering all Rocky-style. That’s not what happened. Really, I don’t know WHAT happened. I don’t think I even realized it at the time.
In fact, I didn’t really realize any of it until last night. It was eight o’clock (which felt like seven o’clock) and I’d cooked a really great dinner. I’d just finished washing the dishes (that alone was impressive), and I looked around and saw…..wait for it…….
….A CLEAN KITCHEN.
*I* had cleaned it. I’d cleaned the kitchen & the dining room & the living room & I’d cooked dinner & I’d made yogurt & my kids were clean & there was a load of laundry running. How this had happened, I have no idea. Truly.
All I know is that I have a sense of calm and I feel like I MAY actually get caught up. I’m okay with taking it slowly….but it WILL all get done….and I may come out the other side with my sanity intact.